Find yourself & your crew
It’s a scary world out there. Life is crazy. There are surprises that come in the form of obstacles and challenges, milestones and celebrations and successes. Sometimes we are hit with a surprise that makes us feel like the world is going to end; sometimes we encounter those that make us feel as if life is too good to be true. All of these turns lead us to where we are today. Soon tomorrow, will become today. So I guess what I’m trying to say is that there is only today: Yesterday was today, today is today, tomorrow will be today. Here and now. So be here now.
Do what you can to make today feel good for you. Sometimes that means resting and taking you time; other times, it means surrounding yourself with the people and/or activities and things that help you feel good, safe, comfortable. But whatever you decide to do today, also acknowledge those around you who are also here now. We are all going through things; don’t be afraid to share your heart with others.
In my experience, we can learn from the happy times and the sad. It takes time and patience, energy and reflection, conversations with others and conversations with ourselves. It involves looking within and it requires observing the world and those around us.
The happy times feel good. And that makes sense. Feel that, be proud of that. You did something right to bring you to this happy time. But also look back and see what you did and how this success came to be. It usually doesn’t just happen. More often, you did something—on your own or in collaboration with others—to make that shit happen. Figure out what it was, so you can do it again.
It feels harder to get through the, well…hard stuff. That’s ok. You will get through it. Acknowledge your feelings. Feel your feelings. Embrace your feelings and know they exist. Keep them to yourself and share them with others too--when you're ready (sometimes you're not ready right away, and that's A-ok!). Realize and recognize how you can do something differently next time, but don’t spend too much time regretting that you didn’t do it the “right” way the first time. I believe in second chances, so, do it better next time around.
When faced with a big change in your life as you know it, you are often forced to look at your life and see what you had, have, and want. Your pre-existing desires, passions, and interests become even more defined; you have to think about the degree of significance of certain things: how important are they and how badly you want them in your life? You have to realize those things that are desires more than needs, and those things that are accessories more than necessities (of course you can have both desires and wants, accessories and necessities, but maybe not all of them).
I've spent so much of my life trying to solve my own problems—on my own—and in the end, the only one who can truly overcome your problems is YOU, but it’s ok to accept a helping hand (or several) along the way. I didn’t want to ask for help and I didn’t want to accept help from those offering it. I rejected therapy and I was reluctant to truly embrace, even accept, the advice my community gave me. One thing I’ve learned is that your friends and family are your lifelines. Through the good and the bad, they are there for you. Know that. Sometimes you have to go through things on your own first, but at some point you will be ready to share with others. And when you are ready, reach out and accept help—because these people are here to help you, to love you, to support you. It doesn't mean you aren't strong enough in any light. In fact, it takes strength to ask for help and ask for what you need. Life is too immense to go it alone.
A personal share…
I am in the midst of a challenge that feels big to me. For a long time, I dwelled on the good and the bad—to be honest, mostly the bad, and what I would miss due to the new change. But then I realized things aren’t changing at the present time. So I changed my perspective…I really looked within myself to see where I needed to be, what it was that I needed and wanted for myself, and what I needed to do to get there and overcome the challenge at hand. BUT this time, I also reached out to my community for support, for guidance—completely and truly. My world felt as if it would never go back to normal, and it hasn’t gone back to normal yet, but I believe it can and will—with time. It is taking longer than I could ever expect (because the lows in life are not usually things you can expect—and for that matter, neither is any obstacle we face) to accept the state of things, of my life, but I am beginning to be able to accept the way things are.
I still don't know where I want to go as an individual, but I have realized certain things that I want for myself and I am inspired to pursue new things, too. It is all thanks to personal introspection, as well as the insight I gained by talking to and surrounding myself with people who I care about and who care about me.
If you’ve been helping me through this…thank you, thank you, thank you. You mean more to me than I can express.
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Life is a series of processes. We cry through them, we laugh, we scream. But most of all, we grow through them.